Self Care for Writers: Your Safety Net of Support

Introduction

“It is the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) that those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” — Charles Darwin

The English naturalist, geologist, and biologist couldn't have said it better. The power of collaboration and improvisation are key factors in survival and success. Why else would you hear actors and actresses thanking a slew of people?

Like Cate Blanchett in her acceptance speech for Actress in a Leading Role in Blue Jasmine at the 2013 (86th) Academy Awards:

"Thank you to my mum, to my sister, to my brother, to my three glorious sons; I would not be standing here without you. To my husband Andrew, you are a legend. Thank you to my agent Hylda Queally; you're behind the pillar somewhere up there. You are a goddess. To my agent in Australia, Robyn Gardiner, I love you so very much. To my publicist Lisa Kasteler. To the sublime Sally Hawkins and to the extraordinary cast of "Blue Jasmine," I don't know how to do this without other actors and this I share with you. To the hair and makeup people who sweated me up and tried to make me look attractive, thank you for the attempt. To Carla Meyer, for getting Sally and I together and for incredible support. To Helen Robin. To everyone involved in "Blue Jasmine," I thank you so much."

She wouldn't have been able to stand on that stage without any of those folk lifting her up!

Who are your people? Who could your people be?

1. Fellow Writers

Duh, right?

I have a whole Self Care for Writers blog post about the importance Finding Other Writers so I won't beat a dead horse about it. But they're ultimately your best bet at support. They know what you're going through.

Furthermore, it should be no surprise to you that being a writer isn't the most lucrative business. Because of this, writers often have side hustles: writing coach, writing consultant, beta reader, critique partner, research assistant, developmental editor, copyeditor, proofreader, etc etc etc.

With their help (and fully paid rates because we support our community 💚) you can get valuable feedback on your manuscript, get advice on career strategies, and be lead through creative roadblocks. This team can make the writing process more structured and less isolating.

How to Find the Right...

• Writing Coach: Look for a coach with experience in your genre who understands your goals and offers strategies to improve your writing.

• Writing Consultant: Find a consultant who specializes in the area you need help with, such as story structure or publishing, and has proven expertise.

• Beta Reader: Choose readers who understand your genre and target audience, and clearly communicate what feedback you're seeking.

• Critique Partner: Select a critique partner with similar writing goals and establish clear expectations for mutual feedback and collaboration.

• Research Assistant: Hire someone with knowledge in your field who can gather, organize, and summarize relevant research materials efficiently.

• Developmental Editor: Look for an editor who is experienced in your genre and provides constructive feedback on content, structure, and overall story development.

• Copyeditor: Choose a copyeditor with attention to detail who can polish your manuscript for clarity, consistency, and grammatical accuracy.

• Proofreader: Hire a proofreader who is meticulous and experienced in catching grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors in the final draft.

2. Workshops with Writing Experts

Instructors with experience in the writing industry and the workshops they teach are worth their weight in gold. They provide a structured environment where you can receive constructive feedback, learn new techniques, and gain fresh perspectives on your work. And the community you gain from them! You'll connect with fellow writers all day!

Every single person in the room with you understands the challenges of the craft. They also create opportunities for accountability, helping you stay motivated and focused on your writing goals. By learning from the lecture and participating in interactive discussions, you can sharpen your skills, build confidence, and get encouraged about your writing path.

Things to Look For in a Workshop:

• Review past participant testimonials to gauge the value and effectiveness of the workshop.

• Look for workshops that offer ongoing support, like follow-up sessions or alumni groups.

• Choose a workshop with a specific focus (e.g., character development, dialogue, or plot structure) if you want to hone a particular skill.

• Consider the class size—smaller groups often allow for more personalized feedback.

• Check the workshop format to see if it includes hands-on writing exercises or assignments.

• Seek out workshops that cater to your writing level, whether you’re a beginner or an experienced writer.

• Look for workshops with a positive and encouraging atmosphere, especially if you're nervous about sharing your work.

• Pay attention to time commitments and make sure they fit your schedule.

• See if the workshop includes networking opportunities, like meet-and-greet sessions with industry professionals or fellow writers.

• Opt for workshops that provide resources, such as reading lists, templates, or access to recorded sessions.

• Confirm if there’s a focus on actionable feedback, rather than just praise or criticism.

• Consider workshops that explore publishing options, if you’re interested in preparing your work for submission.

• Ask if the workshop includes personalized feedback from the instructor on your work.

• Look for workshops with a diversity of voices, ensuring a broader range of perspectives.

• Check for writing prompts and exercises that challenge you creatively.

• See if the workshop offers replays or recordings if you miss a live session.

• Consider the workshop’s focus on craft versus theory, depending on your needs.

• Find workshops with built-in accountability systems to help you stay motivated after the course ends.

• Look for ones that encourage peer feedback to build connections with fellow writers.

See my Finding Other Writers blog post for more information about workshops and conferences.

3. Friends and Family

While the first two focus on folk that are in the industry, after a while, things can start to sound like an echo chamber. Sneaking out of that world to hang out with non-writers is essential.

Furthermore, being around people who know you outside of your writing helps you remember that your worth isn’t tied to your latest draft or a publishing deal. 

It’s a great reminder to enjoy the present moment. You'll finally release all that tension help you relax. When you’re less stressed, your creativity flows more freely. When your creativity flows, inspiration can come from your loved ones’ stories, quirks, or life experiences. This can inspire characters, dialogue, or scenes in your work and that makes drafting easier.

And even if the spark doesn't come from that, your friends and family are there to help you believe in what you're doing even when you're doubting yourself.

How to Involve Them in Your Process:

• Casual story brainstorming: Over dinner or coffee, talk through plot points you’re stuck on. Non-writers can sometimes offer surprisingly creative solutions because they’re not constrained by writing conventions.

• Ask for feedback: For less formal projects, share a chapter or scene with a family member or friend who enjoys reading. Getting their reactions can be both encouraging and enlightening.

• Engage them as beta readers: If you’re comfortable, having a trusted friend or family member read an early draft can give you insight into how your story might resonate with a general audience.

• Take writing breaks together: Invite a friend for a walk, game night, or movie marathon when you need to step away from your work. These breaks can help reset your mind and spark new inspiration.

• Use them as a sounding board for character development: If you’re struggling with a character’s motivation or dialogue, ask someone close to you how they’d react in a similar situation. It can help ground your characters in realistic behavior.

• Celebrate small wins: Whether it’s finishing a chapter, hitting a word count goal, or just writing after a tough week, celebrate with your loved ones. It’s a great way to recognize your progress and keep you motivated.

• Ask them about their own passions: Engaging in conversations about what they’re interested in can take your mind off writing and might spark new, unrelated ideas that can find their way into your stories.

• Plan writing retreats with friends or family: If they’re supportive, you can combine a weekend getaway with dedicated writing time, allowing for a mix of productivity and relaxation.

• Lean on them during tough times: If you’re facing rejection or feeling discouraged, let them be your emotional support system. Sometimes, just venting to someone who cares can help lift the weight off your shoulders.

4. Specifically Mom

Biological mothers, step mothers, foster moms, adoptive moms.

Madre (Spanish), mère (French), Mutter (German), madre (Italian), mãe (Portuguese), moeder (Dutch), māmā (Hindi), 母 [haha] (Japanese), 어머니 [eomeoni] (Korean), 母亲 [mǔqīn] (Chinese), anne (Turkish), أم [umm] (Arabic).

No matter what you call them or how they got that way, our motherly figures fill a part of our soul that keeps us going. The Tony Awards has a compilation video on YouTube of all the mentions of Moms in the acceptance speeches.

Warning: tears ahead.

A moving ode to moms was made by Kevin Durant in his 2014 NBA MVP acceptance speech:

"And last, my mom. I don't think you know what you did. You had my brother when you were 18 years old. Three years later, I came out. The odds were stacked against us. Single parent with two boys by the time you were 21 years old. Everybody told us we weren't supposed to be there. We moved from apartment to apartment, by ourselves.

One of the best memories I had is when we moved into our first apartment - no bed, no furniture, and we just all sat in the living room and just hugged each other. We thought we made it. When something good happens to you - I don't know about you guys, but I tend to look back to what brought me here. You waking me up in the middle of the night in the summertime, making me run up a hill. Making me do pushups. Screaming at me from the sideline at my games at 8 or 9 years old.

We weren't supposed to be here. You made us believe, you kept us off the street. You put clothes on our backs, food on the table. When you didn't eat, you made sure we ate. You went to sleep hungry. You sacrificed for us. You're the real MVP."

Moms have a way of grounding us, reminding us of our capabilities, and bringing us back to ourselves.

Ways Your Mom Can Help:

• Be a sounding board for brainstorming ideas when you're stuck or unsure of a plot point.

• Offer life experiences and stories that can inspire characters or scenes in your writing.

• Help proofread for typos or errors with a fresh set of eyes.

• Celebrate your wins, big or small, to keep you motivated.

• Provide constructive feedback while still being supportive and kind.

• Share recipes of a favorite meal or snack to fuel your writing sessions.

• Be your accountability partner, checking in on your progress without pressuring you.

• Offer emotional support during rejections or tough critiques.

• Celebrate milestones, like finishing a draft or submitting a query

• Encourage you to keep going when self-doubt creeps in.

• Read your work out loud so you can hear how it flows.

• Offer her perspective on characters or themes from her unique point of view.

• Help you unplug from social media or other distractions to focus on writing.

• Keep you grounded when you’re overthinking your story.

5. Mental Health Professional/Therapist

According to a study done by Nancy C. Andreasen titled The relationship between creativity and mood disorders:

"Rates of mood disorder are extremely high in the writers; 80% had some type of mood disorder, and 30% had either bipolar I or bipolar II disorder. Both these rates are significantly different from the control subjects. The writers also had higher rates of alcohol abuse than the controls. This study has been replicated by several other investigators."

Writing can be an emotionally demanding journey, especially when your work makes attempts at understanding deeply personal, complex, and sometimes traumatic themes.

Exploring sensitive topics (like trauma, grief, or conflict) can often stir up intense feelings. This leaves writers emotionally drained or even triggered from past experiences.

This is where having a trusted mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist can offer a safe space to process the emotions that come up during your writing, helping you navigate through the stress, self-doubt, and vulnerability that often accompany the creative life.

My therapist is the best. She has taught me tools and skills to avoid burnout, to manage my imposter syndrome and rejection sensitivity, and how to cope with opening up those "Pandora's Boxes" of plot from past traumas.

Additionally, my therapist has helped me develop healthier boundaries between my work life, my writing life, and my personal life, which has gone a long way. She and she alone was the one to keep my creative passion from becoming a source of emotional exhaustion.

If you can get access to mental healthcare, please reach out to somebody. There is help for any ailment and there is hope for any of your despair.

What to Look For in a Therapist:

• Specialization in creative professions: Seek out a therapist with experience working with artists, writers, or creatives who understand the specific challenges and pressures of the writing process.

• Experience with anxiety, burnout, or stress management: Look for someone who can offer practical tools to handle the pressures of deadlines, creative blocks, or the emotional weight of your stories.

• Approachability and trust: Choose a therapist with whom you feel comfortable opening up about your struggles, as a strong therapeutic relationship is crucial for effective treatment. You're not bound to a therapist. For lack of a better term--shop around!

• Flexible scheduling options: Given the unpredictable nature of the creative process, a therapist who offers virtual sessions or flexible appointment times can be ideal.

• Practical coping strategies: Look for a therapist who provides actionable advice, such as mindfulness exercises, breathing techniques, or cognitive reframing, to help you manage the ups and downs of writing.

• Non-judgmental support: Find someone who respects your creative work and provides an accepting space where you can express your fears, insecurities, and frustrations without feeling dismissed.

• A focus on emotional resilience: Consider therapists who can help you build resilience to handle critiques, rejections, and the self-imposed pressure to constantly produce.

By investing in your mental well-being, you not only protect yourself from the emotional toll of writing but also nurture a healthier, more sustainable creative practice. We like sustainable practices.

6. Your Hairdresser, Nail Tech, Lash Tech, Tattoo Artist, Seamstress, Barber, Esthetician, Make Up Artist, and/or Personal Trainer

Sure, they're not paid to listen to your life like therapists are.

Sure, you don't go to them specifically to talk.

But you're the focus in this scenario, so some chatting is bound to happen.

I've talked to folks of all the above and they feel like their job description says "therapist" in tiny letters at the very bottom.

Why It Matters:

• Helps build connections: Forming friendly relationships with these professionals can give you a sense of community and support, which is especially valuable if writing feels isolating.

• Promotes self-care and confidence: Taking care of your physical body can boost your self-esteem, helping you feel refreshed and ready to tackle your creative projects.

• Provides structure to your schedule: Regular appointments can serve as a welcome break in your writing routine, giving you something to look forward to.

• Fosters mindfulness and relaxation: Focusing on physical self-care during these sessions can help you stay present, letting go of creative stressors and mental clutter.

• Inspires sensory experiences: The sights, sounds, and smells of a salon, spa, or gym can stimulate your senses and spark new creative ideas or story elements. Plus, getting out of your writing space for these activities will shift your mindset and refresh your focus.

• Encourages self-reflection: Conversations with friendly professionals can lead to new insights about your work, life, or goals, simply by having someone listen.

• Invites spontaneous inspiration: A simple chat with these professionals might trigger a new plot twist or character development idea. I've been so surprised by the stories they end up telling me!

• Provides a healthy outlet for venting: Having a non-judgmental ear to listen to your frustrations about writer’s block or creative struggles can be therapeutic.

Having a friendly interaction with your "glam squad" is a small but meaningful connection that can help you stay motivated. Just make sure you tip well because we support our community. 💚

Conclusion

As writers, we tend to fall into the habit of carrying the weight of our projects alone. But building a support system can provide reassurance, feedback, and a sense of belonging. Because you do belong. 

Furthermore, it's very very very important to do your part in this community and be a support person for others. For you to be a safe place for another person? Trust me when I say that you get rewarded tenfold. Seek the light, be the light.

And have a list of people for your own acceptance speech. You can find inspiration on the Academy Awards Acceptance Speech Database.

I'd like to thank The Academy and my mother,

Katherine Arkady